Want To Remember Want To Forget
by Tiberias
Summary: JackxStephen fanfiction Sultry nights where a friend can become a lover.


Disclaimers - **All characters are over 18 and they aren't mine. ****  
**Thanks - To my wonderful beta **Lindsey**.

Maybe ... maybe there ... there's room for to be sorry ... for sorrow and that kind of bittersweet taste that you can right now taste in your mouth ... as you ... as you are now looking at me ... and your clear blue eyes wont leave me alone ... as your clear blue eyes are asking for forgiveness because of what you did ... for what I let you do ... and memories are like waves, yes, like tide that is moving slowly in me, in you ... swirrling water that are mixing thoughts and feelings and ... and I'm tearing apart myself ... fighting with the other man inside me ... the man that wants this ... that wished for this to happen ... and this sense of lonliness ... this kind of tide that each time just washes upon me ... not so crystal water washing over me ... want to remember ... want to forget ... and ... and burning sensations ... and ... and damp feelings as you spilled your sorrows and sins in me mixing them together ... and what am I if not your refugium peccatorum for the times when you just want to go to hide somewhere ... for the times where you feel alone and you can't stand on your own ... and so ... and so you lean on my shoulder and ... and what may I do if not try to drink the golden venom cup that you are offering ... trembling and cold hands ... what can I do if not try to not let you go ... to not let you down ... don't drown ... don't drown into deep crystal waters.

You asked me to erase your memories ... just one night ... just one humid night ... because you were feeling like you could destroy everything, like you could had kill someone ... burning and yelling out your agaony ... because loss is a great powerful sensation and you rarely tasted it ... rarely she dared to reach for you ... you ... you that others named Lucky for your bold attitude and your starved need to conquer and again ... again conquer, crossing paths that others would had denied ... that others wouldn't never and ever crossed ... but you ... yes, but you are a far-seeing man and often you saw what others were missing ... often you saw what others avoided seeing ... no one knows what it's like but your dreams ... yes, your dreams aren't as empty as other thinks that your conscience seems to be ... you that are starving for prizes and glory ... you are not empty and arid as others think you are ... and in a humid night I watched you drink a glass of dark red wine ... in a humid night I didn't even try to stop you ... I didn't want you to drown in your sorrow ... as the air was heavy and sticky ... as a long tear of red wine was sliding slowly over the gentle smooth glass surface.

Behind blue eyes no one truly knows what's it's like ... what you are feeling ... no, no one knows what it's like to be mistreated and to be defeated ... no one knows how to say that behind those blue eyes there isn't anything worth seeing ... nothing worth discovering ... an empty man walking in a dull world needing to conquer to express how much you are worth ... they are all wrong ... yes they are all wrong and so ... so last night, like other many nights, you just came and ... and there was no room for asking ... for pleading ... because I quickly recognized that kind of look ... that kind of look as if you were on the edge of just falling on your knees and asking ... yes, ask why sometimes your strength seems to come to miss ... why sometimes seems that the ground under your feet is like sand that makes you sink down ... and I know that none of your pain and woe can truly be shown through your blue eyes ... you just want to remember ... you just want to forget because rarely I saw you in this state ... rarely I saw you without your golden bay crown upon your head ... and there you were ... Jack ... only Jack.

I closed my book and a bit of dust swirled for a moment between my fingers going then fell on the hard leather cover and ... and I could see it was a naked man ... and I could see it was only you, only Jack ... no, the Captain ... no, the brave man with a thirst for victory ... I couldn't see your naval dress uniform ... your medals and that golden aura that you naturally seem to have ... it was only me and you in that narrow cabin and air was humid and heavy like before the arrival of a storm ... like someone was waiting for your next move ... for something to happen in that sticky night ... as you walked more closer to me.

"It's a beautiful lie" you whispered getting closer "such a beautiful lie to believe".

"Here" I hastily said filling up another glass of wine "please".

"No" you refused, slapping away the glass that fell and hit the floor ... a spray of tiny little drops around a puddle of red liquid.

"I don't want to see you in this state" I coldly said trying to stand up but you quickly moved ... and still I wonder how you can so easily move with that heavy and broad body of yours ... you quickly moved and placed your big and rough hands upon my pale and slender ones ... trapping me.

"Yes ... yes you are going to see me in this state" you spat out, your face close to me ... sweaty forehead touching mine's "look at me".

I lowered my gaze as sweaty smell was mixing up with your spicy and decadent cologne ... warm sea salt skin coming in contact with mine, a little lock of golden hair falling between your cold and exhausted eyes "you are drunk" I confessed as his fingers were digging into my skin.

"Yes, is there a problem?" he asked starting to kiss my throat ... feverish kisses ... wet sounds, warm and rough tongue.

"Tomorrow you'll be sorry about this" I whispered briefly closing my eyes ... just for a moment ... just for a moment letting myself slip into those warm deep waters of his needs and craves "this will not change anything".

"It will make me feel better" he replied with low voice ... darkened from his own desires ... foggy thoughts swirling in his mind ... a tide that wants to only wash and take with itself as many things as possible.

"Just for few hours" I reminded him "Jack".

"And ... and what if I say that I want this ... that I crave for this" he revealed with faltering voice stopping the assault on my throat.

"You have a wife".

"I know".

"Jack!" I hissed as one of his hands was slipping under my shirt and reaching for my nipples.

"How many years?" he suddenly asked opening my shirt and leaning his face against my naked chest.

"What?" I asked shivering at the contact of his face against my skin ... shivering at the contact of his warm breath against my lightly sweaty skin.

"How many years ..." he swallowed "have we known each other".

I remained still for a moment, processing what he had just asked me "I ... I think that by now is more than seven years".

"We lost so many years" he breathed kissing my jaw, tender finger under my chin that made me incline my head to give him more room "and what I was trying to follow was you".

I stayed in silence and licked my dry lips.

"Do that again" he asked staring poignantly at my lips "please".

I was about to reply but my tongue was by now sliding over my bottom lip again leaving a slight wet trail of warm saliva for him to follow ... for him to follow with a kiss ... and what was at first an effort to keep this kiss as chaste as possible then in an instant he transformed it into a deep and raunchy one ... burning everything ... overstepping the line that we had never crossed during all these years of our friendship.

It's like overflowing water that can not be contained anymore and I found myself opening my mouth more at his invasion ... at his more demanding needs as my shirt was now gently sliding off my shoulders.

"You are drunk" I insisted once his lips left mine's "please ... oh please" I tinily sighed as he was now sucking at one of my nipples ... as my hands were absently sliding over his head, fingers entwining between locks of blond hair.

"There's nothing more toxic than to have and not to hold" he breathed against my chest "all these years and ... and right now it would be so simple to blame wine for my craving".

"It would be so simple to just close my eyes and let you walk away" I whispered lowering my head to kiss his forehead "if you don't stop I fear that we will overstep and blow away what we were steadily protecting".

"I can feel the beat of your heart" he smiled softly like not really listening to what I was saying "let me kiss it because nothing is more precious than you" he then breathed starting to kiss my chest softly ... with devotion.

"Jack" I cried "listen to me" but Jack kept to kiss my chest as his hand now was caressing my inner thigh.

"We promised to not outstrip this fragile friendship that we are sharing from so many years" I moaned "Jack listen to me ... please"

"I really don't care Stephen ... I can't deny anymore my feelings for you" he spat stepping back from me and starting to pull away his shirt ... rapid breath that means that he's excited or quitely scared of what he's going to do ... or both.

"It's the alcohol that is making you say these words!" I rushed to say kneeling down for to grab my shirt but he abruptly stopped me from doing it "no Jack!"

"I'm not a loser" he hissed rapidly pushing me against the wall and pinning me there with his strong and rough hands.

"You are not a loser it was only-"

His kiss hushed me as he started to fumble with his breeches "I don't want to see you like this" I panted as he hastily pulled down my breeches too leaving me naked and I flushed and not because I was standing now naked in front of him ... I flushed and not because I was standing all naked in front of my friend ... I was standing all naked in front of a new possible lover, he was seeing my body like it was the first time ... under a different light.

"If you don't want to see me like this then let me make love you" he replied with low voice grasping both my hips and dragging me against his naked and erect sex.

I cried out at the contact as my nails scratched his back in search for something to latch on to "Jack" I moaned "I don't have any more strength left to resist you".

"You don't have to" he smiled boldly rising an eyebrow then with a quick shift of his foot he made me lose my balance making me fell down with a loud thud "my joy you are always so clumsy" he sniggered lowering down.

"Someone will come and-"

"No one my dear will dare to disturb the Captain ... unless they want to taste my fury" he breathed covering my body with his.

"Jack ..." I started to say but then no more words followed his name as I remained in silence with my mouth still slightly opened as ready for to say something.

"I know" he only answered as he had understood the mean of what I left unsaid.

He suddenly hissed quickly looking down at his hand where now a little and sharp crystal fragment of the broken glass was stuck inside his palm ... he pulled it away leaving behind a trail of blood "I always loved you since that concert".

"If we do this everything will change forever" I softly revealed sensing that I was the only one still worrying about the fact to overstepping the thin line that was dividing our friendship from a relationship between two lovers "but I think that you are too much gone for to understand".

"I'm not gone ... I'm found" he answered then he slid between my thighs and I tensed closing on instinct my legs but he quickly slapped them opened.

"Oh my ..." I moaned arching off from the wooden floor as he started to suck my cock in a sinful way that he shouldn't ever know or have learned.

Yes, it's like a tide; the way sometimes sensations and feelings will wash over me ... leaving me like empty when it's gone and full when it will wash again over me ... not so clear water washing over my body and I knew that I couldn't deny anything to him ... hot breath and the shivering, slow fuck of Jack's tongue and I groan as his oiled fingers slid sensual over my chest till he reached my opening and ... and then he was back kissing my throat again ... rough and slick licks, hot paths over my throat as I couldn't stop to shiver and whisper his name.

And Jack was hard and hot for me and the way he was staring down at me it was like ... it was like he aimed his prey "I always wondered how you would look all excited, laying under me ... you that usually are always so cold and impeccable".

I moaned kissing him and Jack sucked my bottom lip making me wrap my arms around his neck and spread more my legs around Jack' shifting hips ... and I gasped as one finger was pushed inside me ... a stinging and lightly burning sensation as I hid my face against his sweaty nakedness.

"It's only my finger" he said softly trying to make me relax and as he pushed more deeper it making me buck up against him ... bit lips and burning sensations as I was scratching his shoulder blades.

"Jack" I groaned as he took away his finger and he started to line up his cock against my hole.

"I've got you Stephen ... I've got you my joy" he panted, increasing breathing as he started to push and I tried to suffocate my screams into his neck because it burned and for a moment my sweaty hands went to slam against his rib cage trying to push him away.

"Jack!" I cried out "no please" but my suffocate screams didn't stop him from starting to pound my ass.

In few rapid and short movements I found myself lying on my stomach with his heavy weight over me and he reached for one of my trembling pale hands covering it with his more large one ... fingers entwining between mine's as he leaned forward for to kiss my nape as he started to fuck me hard and fast and ... and I cried out feeling so opened and exposed to his hungry ... but as I was about to scream and beg him to stop I found myself moaning while trying to match his rhythm ... pain mixing with pleasure ... strange sensations mixing up together as I kissed his hand that was tightly holding mine's ... as he kept fucking me.

"Dreamed of this ... so ... ah ... so many times" he confessed against my ear "long nights ... oh ... long nights with you by my side ... but I never dared to touch you".

"I'm sorry" I moaned licking my wet lips "hmmmm ... Jack".

Jack grabbed my hips pulling me back against his sweaty body "I'm not drunk ... I'm not drunk ... no ... no I'm not drunk" he whispered over and over hips slapping my ass as he kept to increase his pushes ... almost there ... almost there to get lost into me ... I could feel his heavy balls slapping my ass ... his thrustes were becoming more short and deep as I kept kissing his hand and palm ... his thumb softly caressing my lips.

"I love you Stephen" he whispered and tilted my face toward his so we could kiss ... so he could devour my mouth ... and Jack ... yes in that fragile moments before he came he was helpless and hungry ... he was excited and lost in a sinful way and yes ... yes he was every single thing that he always avoided to be ... to show off and my fingers shoves into the damp thickness of his long blond hair as ... as I rode it ... I rode it, as I came pulling him down with me and it was like for a moment I couldn't see or remember anything ... it was like drowing with him over me ... flushed and sweaty heavy body covering mine ... snapping hips pushing in me ... his cock filling me up with his essence ... and the cut on his palm was smearing blood on the wooden floor long trails and strange patterns as he couldn't seems able to stop thrusting ... or at least it was what my foggy brain was thinking ... then I didn't know really ... yes I didn't know really for how many minutes ... or maybe hours we remained there with me tightly embraced to Jack only enjoying the fact to be so close with the gentle rolling of the ship lullying us to sleep.

I close my book and a bit of dust swirl for a moment between my fingers going then to fall on the hard leather cover and ... and what I can see it's a naked man ... and what I can see it's only you, only Jack ... no the Captain ... no the brave man thirsty for victories ... I can't see your naval dress uniform ... your medals and that golden aura that you naturally seems to have ... it's only me and you in that narrow cabin and air is still humid and heavy like before the arrive of a storm ... like someone is waiting for your next move ... for something to happen in that sticky night ... as you walks more closer to me.

"It's a beautiful lie" you whisper getting closer "such a beautiful lie to believe".

"Here" I say handling up your violin "please"

"No" you refuses gently taking the delicate violin from my hands "tonight I don't want to play my dear".

"Ah, no?" I say trying to stand up but you quickly move ... and still I wonder how you can so easily move with that heavy and broad body of yours ... that body that later I learned to know very well ... to understand more better than when I was a mere doctor for you ... you quickly move and place ... your big and rough hands upon my pale and slender ones ... entrapmenting me.

"I'm yours" I whisper gazing up at you.

"The most powerful and beautiful prize that a Captain can desire" you smile and then it's only a second ... a mere second and your lips are upon mine.


End file.
